Thank You for making me understand.. :)

Sometimes I want to Hate you.

Sometimes I want to Forget you.

yet, I can never do that.

Those angry thoughts, those awful things that I've said,

I apologize to you for that. I do.

I understand now, why you do the things that you did.

It doesn't matter now. You are still there even though you are never near me.

Your love for knowledge, your personality that still remain the same all these years,

Makes me fall for you all over again.

I thought to myself, will you ever feel the same way that I feel about you?

Do I deserve to be with someone like you?

I don't mind if I'm not the one you choose to love,

I am thankful because God choose you, the person I fall in love with.

And not just any guy.

You deserve it.

ONLY ON MY OWN~~~

Have you ever been in Love with that special someone..Eh, forget Love..I don't even know what it feels like to be in Love...ok, ok..let's do this all over again...Have you ever Like someone so much that sometimes you just want to scream on top of your lungs, so that person and the whole world know? Yeah, that's me..If I could, and have the courage to do so, I would just call him and say, "Hey, you...Are you blind or just plain stupid not knowing or even realizing that I, Noor Hidayatul Huda, the so-called- tough girl-from-the-hood (I made it up..It's just in my imagination) are so into you? (yeah..I know..I'm a good actor..I can pretend like nothing happened..but you should know better kan..adoi..) Huh...It is boring to like someone longer than 45 seconds ( so dude..you should be proud of yourself, you know) but it's actually fun bro, to like you that much since whenever i met someone new, i would felt like, oh..no..no..i used to like someone better than this.. so when i start to compare others to you, i realized woah..you are irreplaceable since you a unique individual. or the exact word is, you are weird, bro. just like me. haha. i try not to linger on memories about you, since we never actually meet each other, right. it is impossible to imagine or to have faith that you are into me too.( even though i can feel it.haha). however, i cannot fight this feeling. it is like having the best meal in the world, and even when i taste another delicious food, i still remember the best meal. eh, bro. you ARE the best guy i have ever known. even when you are annoying, and sometimes i do want to puch you on your face.heee. but most of the time, i respected you. i adore your intelligence, maturity, and your individualism. those attributions of yours that melted my heart.hah. cewah. urm, that's enough i think. just blabbering in the middle of the night.

P/S : he would not read this.

Worst Weekend

I went home for the weekend and I don't know why..This weekend sucks..I have a lot of assignment to work on..yet I just don't feel like doing it.. Not that I hate studying or whatsoever..I don't..and I hate when people think that I am..it'd judt that, I'm so disappointed.. at myself, at other people who doesn't even care about my feelings.. It sucks when you always try your best to please other people, try your best to not hurt their feelings yet you ended up hurting yourself. It sucks when you left alone to figure out your own problems since you're the first person people turn to whenever they have problems..Urgh..It really sucks..

First Week..

The class is supposed to begin today. Eventhough I can't sleep well last night, because of nervousness, but alhamdulillah, today went well. First class is Mass Comm, we are fortunately early and I guess the class went well. My confident level was better than the first day I was here. I was really fortunate to have a very warm and friendly coursemate. Since it was only nine of us, so I hope we can work well together. However, there is some tiring incident where we were waiting for almost an hour ( so that we wouldn't be late) but we can't find the lecturer, or the room is locked, thankfully we're not lost and the day went well. I guess I made a very wise the decision when I decided to study here. Friends, or I should call them my younger sisters and brothers are friendly and nice. I really love studying communication and InsyaAllah, it will be the field that I'll be in some day. Although I had a blast living here, there were times that I wish I was home. I miss Mak so much. I called her twice a day but still, I crave for her presence here. I miss laughing and telling stories to Angah, I miss Abe Bul..But, I didn't let myself wallowing and feeling emotional because I have a mission. This is what I love to do. So I want to excel in it. The Islamic environment really helps. In a way. hmmm...I have Arabic class at 8 am tomorrow. Nervous, because I don't have a basic in Arabic Language. Yet, I'm eager to learn.

P/S: I LOVE MY FAMILY..:(

*Sigh*

Just woke up from a short three hours sleep. Reason? I don't know how to describe it, not sure whether it's a nightmare or a wonderful dream. I can't sleep now, and I don't think I want to share it in my blog. So, what's the point of blogging early in the morning, you ask? Urm..just want to make time flies. I came to realized that you have to find balance in life. When we laugh so hard, and enjoying a great time with family and close friends, we should also remember that there will come the time that we cried, grieve and share our sorrow with them. Life is not about how many times you laugh and cry in a day, month or year. Happiness is not measured by that, happiness came when you realized that they will be time for laughter, and also grieve. When you find someone to share those thing with, and get through with it together, only then you will understand what happiness is. I love to laugh. I can laugh by just think about silly jokes in my head. However, when we laugh so hard, there would be some things that would make you want to cry. Hmm..now I get it why Mak always said, "It's not good to laugh so hard, because in the end, we would cry hard as we laugh." Well, kind of. I'm not really sure my English is that good, that's what this blog is all about. This blog is for me to practice writing in English.

P/S: sleepy..but can't fall asleep..ZzzZzZzZzZzZz

New Life in New Place

20th September 2010, marked as one of historical day in my life(wasn't really sure if that's the right word). I finally became a college student. Not just any college, an Islamic college. I was terribly ill, i got fever, sore throat, bad cough, it was ultimately a bad day to register to college. Yet, the plan must go on. Seriously, I was hesitate and intimidated to start a new life here. Yes, I have a very low self esteem. After my mom and my brother left, I actually felt okay and healthier than I was before. Alhamdulillah. We went through the orientation program, and I was a bit disappointed of myself because I didn't do well and I guess I didn't have a great first impression towards me. Maybe because I was not feeling well, or maybe I still feel clingy towards my family. Homesick?? yeah, maybe a little..at first, I admit that I cried in the middle of the night, but honestly, it has nothing to do with the place that I lived in, or the people there. It's just that I miss my family. So, yes. The problem is ME. Two days after, I was back in Rawang. Couple of days at home got me thinking, "Oh my God, Huda.. What else do you want in your life?? You finally got the opportunity of a lifetime. The place is wonderful, peaceful, you love the program you chose, you got a SCHOLARSHIP! MasyaAllah.. It's like everything you've been through had finally paid off. It feels so good. I have to put aside my homesickness, my youngest child behaviour and start act my age. I'm twenty and have to think, act, and behave like a twenty year old mature girl!! Yeah, I can do that..." Hurm..speking of maturity, I remembered what Teacher Mastura said when we went to her house, she said out of seven of us, I look mature. At first, I thought" Ha?? Mature?? Do I look that OLD??!! But.. I started to take the comment on a positive side. My life is different than my friends'. I chose the road less traveled by. So, I experienced a whole different side of life than theirs. Those experiences that made me, ME. A DIFFERENT HUDA. Thus, I have to learn and remind myself to not be so fragile and weak because I have always been a strong girl. I really need to star focus and do whatever it takes to achieve my dream. InsyaAllah, with all of the efforts, prayers and strong faith on Allah, I will make it. A twitch of supports from family and friends help a lot too!! huhu...

P/S: GO, GO HUDA!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!! :)

A Heartbreaking Beginning, Unforgettable And Wonderful Ending...

I would like to share a wonderful story about my "happening" friends and I have during this raya. Okay, on Malaysia Day, I went to four "open houses", so I met my friends there. So, of course there were laughter, and jokes. It's meaningful to me because unlike last year, I got the chance to meet my junior high shool friends and I started to believe that we will always be friends for ever. I had so much fun laughing with Sep, my BFF and Nenex, teasing Diba and reminisce about our school days. I told them about my idea on visiting our English teacher, Puan Mastura's house since I met her before raya and she would love to meet us. We were all excited. There's only one problem. Transportation. Since Puan Mastura lived far from us, and we have never been to her house, we thought it would be best if one of us drive us there, and it would definitely cheaper and much easier. Ain, Syaza, and Sep have their own driver's license, but unfortunately for us, there's no car available for us to use. I tried ask this person's help, you know if this person would like to drive us there, or lend a car for us. The answer that I got from this person is heartbreaking and dissappointing. I don't know whether I'm the one who got carried away, or being emotional, but it's just hurt badly for me. I never hesitate to help this person whenever this person need one, so how could this person did that to me? At least, this person could turn me down with manners, right? I was hurt and cried so much that night. Thankfully, Puan Mastura wanted to fetch us at the bus stop and miraculously, my friends willing to ride a bus. So, yesterday, we were waiting at the bus stop, waiting for the bus to Puan Mastura's place, and almost an hour, the bus didn't arrive. So, we decided to take a mini bus, so we walked to the mini bus' stop and still, no bus. We were tired, and decided to take a cab there. The cab driver didn't know where Puan Mastura's house is, so they (because we took two cabs separately) sop us at a bus stop and then Puan Mastura came and fetch us. It was wonderful to see her again, I mean she was my favourite teacher ever and veru special to me. We ate Roti Jala with Curry at her house, it was delicious, it's not just because we were starving!! Raya cookies in her house also super yummy and we snapped few photos for memories, and of course, Chatting!! After a short two hours, we went home but the fun haven't stop there, we went to karaoke. Yup, karaoke. It was my very first time karaoke-ing. It was absolutely fun and since we did this together, it was more meaningful to me. I sang my heart out and we had a blast. I arrived home, and today, I have a fever. My throat hurts and I can't say a word. Yet, it was worth it. And Yes, Aidilfitri 2010 is the best ever!!!!!

P/S: HAD TO CANCEL THE INVITATION TO MY SISTER'S HOUSE TODAY..:((